GRIEVING?

DURING THE HOLIDAYS, BE WITH OTHERS.

TALK ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONE.

 Free community event Thursday, Dec. 3, 7:00 PM

Physician who lost his wife, father to cancer will talk about his journey through grief.

Troy, Michigan…Holidays are a special challenge for people who have lost a loved one. Grief intensifies as people struggle with how to cope with the holidays and traditions they shared with loved ones.

“Avoid the impulse to isolate yourself. Be with others,” advises psychiatrist Dr. William Miles. ““Remember, a holiday is just another day. The anticipation is far more difficult than the actual day.”

Dr. Miles, a psychiatrist, knows firsthand the trail of grief that follows the loss of a loved one. He and his wife, Michele, a pathologist, had relocated to Michigan. Their lives changed overnight when Michele was diagnosed with cancer; she died within three months. He found himself suddenly alone in a new city with no support system.

“I learned early on that I had to ask for help. My first impulse was to withdraw, isolate myself. I was lost,” says Miles. “When you are lost in grief, you have to stop and ask for guidance. “Getting on with life” doesn’t work. I started looking for meaning in Michele’s death and in my own suffering. I have learned that I have courage; I have realized I am no longer afraid of anything.”

Including the holidays.

Dr. Miles and Mary Jamerino, LMSW, ACSW, grief expert and bereavement counselor, will discuss Coping with the Holidays and helpful tips  at a special free community presentation on Thursday, Dec. 3 beginning at 7:00 PM at  A. J. Desmond & Sons Funeral Home, 2600 Crooks Road (between Maple and Big Beaver) in Troy. Reservations are recommended but not required. Call: 248 362-2500 or email: Crooksrd@ajdesmond.com.

Jamerino counsels people like Miles to talk openly about their loss and create a path that is personally helpful for their individual needs. Grief is a journey according to Jamerino. The journey takes time, patience, and courage especially during the holidays.

“Talk about your feelings. Talk about plans for the holidays including changing or keeping traditions,” says Jamerino. “Remember, what you decide to do this year can be changed next year. Be patient with yourself.”

Here are some five helpful tips for handling grief during the holidays.

• Talk openly and honestly about your feelings, memories and the happy times. Sometimes, you need to initiate the conversation.

• Communicate with each other. Sometimes a hug is all that is needed.

• Simplify the holiday season. Avoid planning every detail.

• Remember: time does heal. Others have successfully rebuilt their lives after a loss, and although it is never easy, you can too.

• Be thankful for the blessings of family and friends.

Jamerino offers this advice for others wanting to comfort someone that is grieving:

• Call them. Leave a message saying that you are thinking of them and ready to help them with their holiday traditions such as shopping or preparing a special dish.

• Send a card and/or flowers, letting them know you care about them.

• This holiday season some families – from the young grandchildren to the older parents and friends – will write down and then share memories of the deceased making sure that their loved one always has a place in their minds and hearts. This is a way to treasure cherished memories.

“Everyone grieves differently,” advises Miles who also lost his father to cancer after his wife’s death. “There is no guidebook, no timeline. Be patient with yourself. Especially during the holidays.”

To register for Coping with the Holidays call A. J. Desmond & Sons Funeral Directors at 248-362-2500 or crooksrd@ajdesmond.com. For information and directions, visit www.AJDesmond.com.